I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
