I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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