My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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