i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
