I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
