Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
