Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
