i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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