Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
