Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
