ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
