It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
