someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
