just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
