i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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