Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
