sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
