Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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