oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was so not down for the gang bang
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
