If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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