it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
