one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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