He uses pillows to masturbate.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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