I'm sorry my penis didn't work
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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