Do you still have your period?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
