Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
