I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
