If that was your dad, he is hot
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
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