It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
