When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
