I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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