Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the condom got lost in my hair
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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