Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They have beer where we have blood.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
