it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
