so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
high people should be assigned attendants
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
