That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
