Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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