I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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