four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
