Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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