That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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