you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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