Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
