listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
