You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
