If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
