I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
