Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
