Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
