Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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