i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
