is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
