Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
