We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
